Wednesday, March 20, 2013
OMG! It's 2013!
I wish I had the time to update this blog! Will write tomorrow! I'm tired and ready for bed!
Monday, July 2, 2012
An Update!
I'm so bad at updating this blog! Lets see... It's the beginning of July 2012, it's been very hot; we have numerous forest fires in the state of Colorado... I moved back to my parents house for about a year now. I mostly bunk at Stephen's in Brighton, CO, to save gas money. I'm only PRN at Poudre Valley Hospital in the NICU, but I'm now full-time at Platte Valley Medical Center in the ICU.
Things have changed a lot. I'm BACK IN SCHOOL! I am very proud to be back in school. I just finished my first two classes at Colorado State University Global Campus and my GPA right now is a 4.0! Got both A's in my classes! My ultimate goal now is to finish and move on with my life. My parents have been extremely critical... Almost every other day it "the talk" about how embarrassing it is to have one of your younger siblings graduate with a degree before you. Yes, it is embarrassing BUT people have different paths in their lives. I chose to become a CNA, and work few years. I absolutely LOVE what I do. I've developed communication skills, leadership, confidence, and pride. If they can't see it, then I'm sorry, but it's their loss.
Stephen has decided to buy a house. He just got approved today! I'm very excited for him. He wants me to go live with him and create a life together with him. I'm ecstatic about it. I love him so much. Every relationship has its issues, but Stephen and I try to work through them. There have been times where I wanted to give up and be done, but he wanted to keep on going. Our love has grown so much. Four years is a very long time. If our next step of being together is moving in together, then so be it. :)
I promise I will be updating this blog more regularly from now on.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I just want to do everything that I love...
Baking is a hobby of mine. I'm starting to bake for clients/customers and I just recently finished baking cupcakes that are Mini Mouse themed. They were for Miss Peyton's 3rd birthday. :) I'm very excited and hope to keep my hobby going because to me, it's so therapeutic and it makes me happy.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
RANTS RANTS...
What's bothering me? A lot lately.
Is it me? What have I done wrong? Sorry I work a lot? But you know that I am always here for you. But who knows, people change right? I guess you don't think that anymore. I'm the person that if an important event comes up and you want me there, I will find a way to get out of work or things and come support you. Assuming that I'm just busy and not tell me is just devastating to me. It makes me feel left out. It makes me sad. And learning that you would be coming to visit soon and I wouldn't be apart it, wow. I feel crushed. It's not like I don't think of our friendship. Well, I guess it's my fault that I work so much and never got time to spend with you. As a friend, I hoped you'd understand. I'm sorry I'm not apart of your life anymore. I feel so alone. Left out. Forgotten. But I try to keep my chin up and I'll move on. I'll miss ya.
Is it me? What have I done wrong? Sorry I work a lot? But you know that I am always here for you. But who knows, people change right? I guess you don't think that anymore. I'm the person that if an important event comes up and you want me there, I will find a way to get out of work or things and come support you. Assuming that I'm just busy and not tell me is just devastating to me. It makes me feel left out. It makes me sad. And learning that you would be coming to visit soon and I wouldn't be apart it, wow. I feel crushed. It's not like I don't think of our friendship. Well, I guess it's my fault that I work so much and never got time to spend with you. As a friend, I hoped you'd understand. I'm sorry I'm not apart of your life anymore. I feel so alone. Left out. Forgotten. But I try to keep my chin up and I'll move on. I'll miss ya.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Holiday Frenzies
I want to feel like this holiday will be a special one. I don't work on Thanksgiving and I'm so excited for turkey, mashed potatoes, etc! But I do work on Christmas... yuck!
I've never had a Christmas wishlist because I've never wanted much. I usually buy myself what I need. But this year I have a wishlist and hopefully they can be rewards I can buy myself this upcoming 2011 year.
Wishlist:
1) A new DROID phone
2) A new laptop/desktop
3) Getting rid of credit card bills
4) New scrubs for work
5) Underwear and bras
6) Le Vian Ring
7) ...
Anyway, there will be more to come on my wishlist :)
I've never had a Christmas wishlist because I've never wanted much. I usually buy myself what I need. But this year I have a wishlist and hopefully they can be rewards I can buy myself this upcoming 2011 year.
Wishlist:
1) A new DROID phone
2) A new laptop/desktop
3) Getting rid of credit card bills
4) New scrubs for work
5) Underwear and bras
6) Le Vian Ring
7) ...
Anyway, there will be more to come on my wishlist :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I Wanna Be a Billionaire So Freakin' Bad!
These loans and credit card companies are swallowing me whole at the moment. I'm stuck in its throat, probably gagging it until I can figure out a way to make it spit me out. What the freak have I done with my life?
The lottery has been calling my name. I want to go by a ticket, but then I don't. What's holding me back is the chances of winning and thinking... It's not even worth it. I've been having weird dreams and like Grandpa used to tell us, "If it's a good dream, go buy a lotto ticket." I just don't have the time to go buy a lottery ticket because frankly, I think it's a big WASTE OF TIME... However, something inside me keeps nagging me just to go buy one. Maybe it won't be as bad... Maybe I'll be lucky. I don't know.
I haven't posted in awhile and I'm going to start again. But basically.. FML is what I feel like right now.
The lottery has been calling my name. I want to go by a ticket, but then I don't. What's holding me back is the chances of winning and thinking... It's not even worth it. I've been having weird dreams and like Grandpa used to tell us, "If it's a good dream, go buy a lotto ticket." I just don't have the time to go buy a lottery ticket because frankly, I think it's a big WASTE OF TIME... However, something inside me keeps nagging me just to go buy one. Maybe it won't be as bad... Maybe I'll be lucky. I don't know.
I haven't posted in awhile and I'm going to start again. But basically.. FML is what I feel like right now.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Frustration and Sadness...
Dear Stephen,
Every minute that I spend with you, I cherish and I hold on to. I try to keep you as long as I can because it will be a week, maybe two or three until I can see you again. I’m sorry my behavior has upset you. I’m trying not to be obsessive and possessive. I just simply miss you. I know I need to relax and be patient. I am a patient person, well I thought I was, but I guess my patience starts to wear off after 2 weeks without seeing you. I know your job always comes first no matter the situation. I understand that. But besides your needs and your desires, I appreciate them and I take interest in them. I do voice my opinion from time to time and I support you. I feel that’s all I do. I know your needs and your desires… but do you know mine? I need you to answer that for me. Do you know what I’m interested in? Do you know what my desires are?
I want to mix things up, I want to go out and try new things like when I took you to that Indian restaurant, one of my favorite foods of all time – I felt horrible when you didn’t like the food and worse when you said you were going to throw up. Furthermore, like going out walking in a nice park holding hands; taking a random trip into the wilderness and watching the sun set or something; just go roam around the mall holding hands and loving each other; surprising me with flowers when I least expect it or something, etc. I feel like when we go out, I ALWAYS have to initiate the hand holding, running to catch up behind you, or I just follow you like a lost puppy. I want to feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you when we go out and that you’re mine. I want hugs longer than a minute or having your arms around me and holding me. I feel like I give you a hug and then you just push me away like I’m some annoying little child and you’re focused on something else. I ALWAYS feel inferior to you and the only way to get your attention is to act more emotional. But even if I do that, you just brush me off even more. So, I don’t know how to control that anymore.
I took three days off to try and be with you. One for your birthday – I know you’re working that day, one to celebrate your birthday with you and your friends, and the other one to celebrate being together for one year and eight months. I don’t know if you realize how much it hurts to feel REJECTED and unwanted and to not be able to celebrate with you. But I understand that it’s your birthday and you choose who you want to spend it with, obviously not with me in the picture. I was looking forward to these three days, but I now have to find something else to do.
Am I too selfish of a girlfriend? Do I ask for too much? I need you to tell me. How can I be a better girlfriend? Is it really me? Am I a problem? Like I said before, I’ve tried explaining my feelings to you and you have sometimes reacted to them defensively and eventually turning it around throwing them back at me. Then I’m left hanging with empty hands not knowing what to do, so I just give up.
So I guess you’re done coming to see me in Fort Collins now. The only way I will get to see you now is if I come down to see you. When you texted me that, I was disappointed. I cried to Mikah of course because it had such a huge impact on me and she shook her head in disbelief. I’m sorry my scheduled days off are kind of not on the same page as yours, but I’m trying. I’m really trying.
Tell me Stephen, how can I be a better girlfriend to you? I love you so much it actually hurts. I just need to know what you don’t like about me.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Amy
Every minute that I spend with you, I cherish and I hold on to. I try to keep you as long as I can because it will be a week, maybe two or three until I can see you again. I’m sorry my behavior has upset you. I’m trying not to be obsessive and possessive. I just simply miss you. I know I need to relax and be patient. I am a patient person, well I thought I was, but I guess my patience starts to wear off after 2 weeks without seeing you. I know your job always comes first no matter the situation. I understand that. But besides your needs and your desires, I appreciate them and I take interest in them. I do voice my opinion from time to time and I support you. I feel that’s all I do. I know your needs and your desires… but do you know mine? I need you to answer that for me. Do you know what I’m interested in? Do you know what my desires are?
I want to mix things up, I want to go out and try new things like when I took you to that Indian restaurant, one of my favorite foods of all time – I felt horrible when you didn’t like the food and worse when you said you were going to throw up. Furthermore, like going out walking in a nice park holding hands; taking a random trip into the wilderness and watching the sun set or something; just go roam around the mall holding hands and loving each other; surprising me with flowers when I least expect it or something, etc. I feel like when we go out, I ALWAYS have to initiate the hand holding, running to catch up behind you, or I just follow you like a lost puppy. I want to feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you when we go out and that you’re mine. I want hugs longer than a minute or having your arms around me and holding me. I feel like I give you a hug and then you just push me away like I’m some annoying little child and you’re focused on something else. I ALWAYS feel inferior to you and the only way to get your attention is to act more emotional. But even if I do that, you just brush me off even more. So, I don’t know how to control that anymore.
I took three days off to try and be with you. One for your birthday – I know you’re working that day, one to celebrate your birthday with you and your friends, and the other one to celebrate being together for one year and eight months. I don’t know if you realize how much it hurts to feel REJECTED and unwanted and to not be able to celebrate with you. But I understand that it’s your birthday and you choose who you want to spend it with, obviously not with me in the picture. I was looking forward to these three days, but I now have to find something else to do.
Am I too selfish of a girlfriend? Do I ask for too much? I need you to tell me. How can I be a better girlfriend? Is it really me? Am I a problem? Like I said before, I’ve tried explaining my feelings to you and you have sometimes reacted to them defensively and eventually turning it around throwing them back at me. Then I’m left hanging with empty hands not knowing what to do, so I just give up.
So I guess you’re done coming to see me in Fort Collins now. The only way I will get to see you now is if I come down to see you. When you texted me that, I was disappointed. I cried to Mikah of course because it had such a huge impact on me and she shook her head in disbelief. I’m sorry my scheduled days off are kind of not on the same page as yours, but I’m trying. I’m really trying.
Tell me Stephen, how can I be a better girlfriend to you? I love you so much it actually hurts. I just need to know what you don’t like about me.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Amy
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