What is LOVE?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

1 Year 4 Months

Time passes by so fast. Yesterday was our one year and 4 month anniversary. We've had a few obstacles, and I feel like there's more to come. Every relationship is not perfect. You work hard for it and you cherish it. I love Stephen... He's my world and I would do anything for him. I guess one of our challenges is trust and honesty. He tends to hide things from me, which causes me not to trust him at times. He would just say, "Don't worry about it." I'm the type of person who needs to know stuff. If it's hidden then I tend to dwell on it and stress over it, which is stupid, I know. But it's me.

1 year and 4 months... it's a little exciting! :)

Corinthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Haven't posted in awhile...

A lot has happened since my last post. I just moved into a new place off of W. Stuart St., in Fort Collins. It's a cute little townhouse; nice sized rooms. The only problem is my sister and I have so much shit! I threw out my Lazyboy recliner that I got from a garage sale awhile back. My sister threw out her double bookcase that was coming apart. We should've cleaned out what we didn't need at the old place. I gave Mikah and Kim our black leather couches from the old house. This move was a little crazy. We had my Uncle's truck and my parents van, that's about it. Our new place was just about a two minute drive from our old one, so it wasn't at all that bad. Razz and are still settling in; unpacking boxes, and sorting through our stuff. Alyssa hasn't moved in yet. Still waiting for her too. Lets see... what else... The cable guys came over today and installed everything for us. Yay... T.V. and internet!

Before the move happened, I got into a huge argument with Stephen. We almost broke up. I just told him how I was feeling and how I wish I could meet his friends and family because I feel a little left out. He turned it around and said that because of me, he hasn't seen his family for a month and his best friends in like five weeks. It was because of me. I thought it wasn't fair at all. I told him that he needs to manage his time better. I also told him that I always ask to see if I can go down to Brighton to see him, or ask him to come up. I always ask. It wasn't like I told him, "No, you can't go see your friends or family, Stephen. I won't let you." I ask to go see him and he knows it. I told him it was all about him. And it still is, I think. Oh well, he does what he wants, right? He always does. One problem with me is I think I'm too needy... I think it's because I wish he would include me in some of the things that he does. For example, go out with his friends, go with him as a date to weddings,just simple things like that. I told him that if it was my appearance, I'm able to change. He just told me to stop worrying. That was it. But I love this man, I'm fighting to make this relationship work. I really am... And it's hurting me a lot.

I switched to Night Shift at work from Day Shift. I definitely like it a lot better. I had to adjust my sleeping schedule, but I think it's working out good. :)

I can't go to school for awhile, so I'm saving up to go later. My mom can't cosign for us anymore because we apparently maxed out her credit, haha. It sucks for all of us. My brother wants to join the Navy now so they can help pay for his education, but my dad is hesitant about it because he's the only boy in the family. We'll see what happens when he graduates. I thought about the National Guard too. But I need to lose all my belly fat before I join, which is going to take me about a year to do that. Geez, I wish I had Jillian from the Biggest Loser to yell at me and make me work out. But my plan starting sometime soon, I don't know when is going to be: After my Night Shift, I go work out at the gym, come home, shower and then go to bed. My gym opens at 6am and I get off work at 6:30 anyway, so I think it'll work out perfectly. Another obstacle is to change my eating habits... more salads/greens, lean meats; just eat more healthy. No more fast food. It's going to be a challenge, but I want to achieve it. Need motivation! Need motivation!

I'm writing this blog from work during my break. I'm trying to stay awake, haha. Just almost 2.5 more hours to work... I can do this... I can do this...

Over $400!

I just got an invoice in the mail for all the lab work that they had done on my body. It's over $400 worth of lab fees/work. They're going to have to wait because I dont have that kind of money to pay them back all at once... That's like my whole paycheck! I have other bills to take care of too.

Damn... I need to go get my text books, lol. Or maybe I could just go to the library.

Vacation needed?

I just want to go lay on the sandy beaches in the nice warm sun! That's all I want right now.

::Sniff sniff::

Our anniversary wasn't what I hoped it to be. There was no dinner. :( I bawled my eyes out for a good half hour, forty-five minutes. Stephen had to pay his dad for a payment for his car and the vet bill to put down his cat. So, I was just upset that it wasn't that romantic dinner, getting dressed up, roses, candle light, etc. I had that feeling, I really did that it's not going to happen, while I was getting ready earlier yesterday. So what happened yesterday was I went down there, cried my eyes out, then we went to Chick-fil-A for dinner and I paid for it. Yep. Chick-fil-A for our anniversary dinner. Not what I hoped it to be or visioned. I'm just sad, I still am. But shit happens and things just don't turn out the way you want it to be. I love the man with all of my heart, I just wish things could be more romantic. Yeah, the sex is great but I feel like everything else is falling apart.

I'm Excited!

Stephen and I are going to The Old Spaghetti Factory down in Denver, for our anniversary dinner. I am excited. It seems like a really nice old fashioned place. I still don't know what to get him. Maybe a book?

Again, had to call into work because that stupid Metformin medicine was making me feel nauseous and dizzy. I try to get up to go the bathroom and my head was spinning. It felt like the whole room was spinning and I could feel it.

Stephen came up from Brighton last night. Every minute I spend with him I have to cherish. Because his schedule and mine are so hectic, it's hard to find time with him. But every time he's here, I feel safe and I sleep better. Everything's just so much better with him by my side.

Wow... Kinda Crazy Lemme Tell Ya...

I was an emotional roller coaster yesterday... I was really close to breaking up with Stephen. I guess he was afraid and scared because he told me he didn't want to lose me. Last night he came to the house around 2:30am... I had spoken with him about what needs to happen and what I want because I was so sick and tired of these stupid arguments that we have. I despise them; I hate crying. I seriously was just trying to find time to spend with him because our schedules were so busy and hectic. Whenever I'm having a discussion with him about something, if he didn't want to talk about it, he would cut me off. It would make me angry. He would use the excuse of, "Ok, I'm going to bed. Love you, bye." It was short and after we get off the phone, I feel like I'm left in the gutter thinking to myself, "Ok, what just happened?" I told him I don't know what else to do anymore. I told him I wanted trust, honesty, and most importantly, I want our communication to be better. Text messaging is so impersonal and that's what we do most of the time. I don't see/hear how he's feeling and he doesn't see/hear how I'm feeling. Sometimes I hate text messaging and a person can't just assume someone's feelings when they text message. There was one day where Stephen told me I was having an attitude about something through text, and I was like, "Um, heck no! I was being rational." Hopefully now, everything gets through this time... I don't know if I can deal with another episode like this one.

I Don't Know About This...

I had an argument with Stephen last night about how he seems to push me away and ignore what I need to talk to him about. I told him I think I'm done with everything right now because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always trying to find time to spend with him because both our schedules are pretty hectic... well mostly his. One of his past responses was, "How much time do you need?" His response last night was, "Amy, you know I can't be there for you 24/7."

I'm going down to talk to him tomorrow night. Just re-reading his responses back to me, I really feel like I should move on. However, I love this man. I care about him so much. Yes, I feel at times I do have to question his love for me and his trust. He has girls giving him their numbers? Heck yes, I'm always worried when that happens, but he always tell me not to think or worry about it.

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow night... he wants to take me out to dinner, which is weird, so I don't know.

I Am So Mad!

I don't know what else to do anymore. I've been trying to keep in touch with Jenny to get my stuff back at her house. She's not cooperating at all! So, I got the police involved because it's a civil matter and I just want my effin stuff back. I want my blow-up mattress, my blankets and memory foam pillow, and my SLUMBER PARTY STUFF back!!! The Slumber Party stuff is what I spent the most of my money on... I want that stuff back for sure! I just want my stuff back... I know I've said it like ten million times. She claims that my Slumber Party stuff is at the Den and that I arranged for Peggy to get them from me, but Peggy said she hasn't seen anything at all. I don't know what else to do anymore... I mean I can live without that stuff but I paid so much money for it!

We'll see what happens tomorrow after I get off work.

So much drama on top of my health issues right now too. I just got diagnosed with pre-diabetes and it's a complete turn around life change for me now. I'm eating differently now, I'm exercising even more... Dr. Orzoco-Peterson put me on Glucophage (Metformin), a diabetes medicine. It's been crazy.

I just want school to be over... just to relax my brain a bit. Work is always killing me. My knees are starting to hurt again. EVERYTHING'S ALL WRONG RIGHT NOW.

And a few more things... I have little issues with Stephen that I wish I could just get resolved.

I'm just so sick of everything... I wish I can shut everybody out and just be alone for like 5 minutes and get myself together or something.

Maybe I need to go see a shrink, SOMEBODY???

I'm just going insane.

Never Again...

I think I had one of the Oprah "Ah-ha!" moments. I've experienced what I had to experience in order to "know". And the experience has made me learn that I don't like it. It's boring and not appealing to me at all. It was just weird. So with that said, moving to try new experiences...

Stephen said, "I don't think I can take the distance any longer."
I mean we're only 45min-1hr apart. I'm (Me) (Yo!) always the one who goes down to Brighton the most. We try to take turns, but I guess because of his work schedule I feel or it seems that I tend to travel down to Brighton more than he comes up to Fort Collins. I asked him if he was going to break up with me because of it. He said no. If he did, it would be the dumbest reason ever. He moved to Brighton back in August and we've been together for almost a year. It would seriously break my heart if we broke up with me over that reason. I asked him what he was going to do about it and he said he didn't know. I guess our little challenge now is just to try and find more time together with his schedule and mine. I love him and I don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm Determined to Make Myself Better

My health has been a challenge. I think my weight is the main cause of it too. I was really sick and went in for a doctor's visit not too long ago. I did some blood work and the results were not very pleasing to hear. My A1C was 6.6, a little high, although my glucose was 95. Something's wrong with my liver in association with my glucose reading. The doctor told me I might be glucose intolerant and have a fatty liver. She also asked me whether I had a cold when I went and did the blood work. She found some type of infection, but I guess she doesn't know where. Furthermore... she asked whether or not there was a family history of arthritis or lupus in my family, and I told her no. Blood work came back and said there might be something going on there too. I definitely have plantar fasciitis. My heel hurts so bad... it's going to take months to heal. She wants me to lose 2 pounds a week, eat more healthy, exercise... But I am determined to make myself better. It's what I'm focused on now.

Stephen and I

We will be a year on May 27th, 2009. Time flies by... I haven't seen him in about two weeks now due to my work schedule and his work schedule. He's been stressed out a lot too. I wrote him another letter:

Honey,

It has almost been a year with everything that has happened to us. My love for you has proven to be true even through tough times. Every single day that passes, I thank God for you; for being in my life. I love you more than you could ever imagine. Baby, you mean the world to me and I want to be with you every chance I get because our time is always precious and I want to cherish every moment of it. Together we can do anything. Our love is what keeps a smile on my face, knowing that you care and will always be there. I can’t imagine where I would be right now if you were not here with me. I love you!

Just remember, not only do you make a difference as an EMT, but you touch other peoples’ lives with your selflessness and caring heart. You do the best you can and all that you can for all these people. It touches my heart at how much you care. I want to see you happy, honey. Sometimes, when you try your best and some of them don’t make it, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for it. Just know that you have tried your best, which you do all the time.

I love you and I miss you so much. Hopefully, I can see you next week.

Love you times infinity,
Amy

25 Random Facts About Me...

1. I am a Slumber Parties Consultant... well, I used to sell sex toys. :P I want to get back into that again.

2. I absolutely love horror movies! I have yet to find one that really scares me. Movies that gives me the creeps are usually the more religious ones like Exorcism of Emily Rose or The Exorcist... Movies with zombies, monsters, etc. They're just not that appealing to me.

3. I'm always the person who puts everyone else first before me. It's probably why I'm such a pushover and a Certified Nurse Aide. It's really making me unhappy at the moment.

4. It's March 28, 2009 and I have yet to efile my taxes... I need to get that going!

5. I'm doing a list of 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days... so far I got some of them done and some others I'm still working on.

6. Not a big fan of Robert Pattinson. He reminds me so much of YOU KNOW WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED... "awkward turtles!"

7. I don't think I'm ready for my Grandpa to go yet. I'm going to be an emotional wreck.

8. I try to go to church, but every time I read the bible and learn about it... it makes me rethink everything and in the end, I feel that it contradicts itself a lot.

9. I smoke. Yes, I smoke Hookah. I'm a hookah whore.. sometimes. I have two hookah sets at home and yes, my mom knows I smoke!

10. I have 5 tattoos... My mom only knows about 2 of them. And I have 10 piercings. I'm addicted to these stuff. My mom always yells at me and asks if I've also pierced "down there." Lol, she's ridiculous sometimes.

11. So I can't stand to see an animal being tortured or shot, or just being handled roughly. I can't watch those movies like that. I can't even watch King Kong because it's just one of my things... I can't stand animal cruelty.

12. Shows that I can't stop watching: WE t.v., Style, guess what these channels have shows on? Wedding stuff! I'm that little girl who's dreaming of her wedding already. My wedding colors are Burgundy, Chocolate Brown, and Gold. I know which designer I want for my wedding dress --> Pronovias. It's good to dream right? Another show I can't stop watching it Discovery health - all the baby shows, like adoptions stories, birthing... It's weird, I know.

13. I've fallen in love. His name is Stephen Naaman Begay and I love him.

14. I can't sleep when my room is hot. I need my room to be chilly cold (window open, or the fan blowing) in order for me to sleep. I toss and turn if the room is not at the right temperature.

15. I'm a jewelry FREAK! I love the sparkles... I'm always at ZALES trying to find a good deal.

16. I have a scrapbook made for all the years of high school... I'm still finishing it.

17. Although I know how to start knitting, I don't know how to finish the knitting. I haven't even knitted a scarf yet.

18. I have a blog http://crazyamyvue.blogspot.com Go read it!

19. I absolutely love listening to all sorts of different music. From Classical, opera, to rock, rap, pop, etc. I even listen to foreign language songs like bollywood music, spanish, korean, etc. One weird thing about me is when I sing in the shower or in my room, I tend to listen to more girly songs like Carrie Underwood and would try to match her voice. Try and get my voice to be better... weird, I know, haha. My mom caught me once lip singing and face emotions, and she laughed her ass off.

20. I get really annoyed if a person eats in my car and then don't clean up after themselves later on (aka RASAMEE). Leaving pop cans in my car, plates, forks... ugh!

21. Turning 21 has never been so exciting. I like going out to the bars with my friends. Kim had to hold me up one night so I wouldn't fall on my face walking back to the car.

22. There's some things in the past where I wish I could just go back and fix them. Like not screwing up my first two years of college, or not quitting orchestra to join choir back in middle school, or learning to play the piano... how life would be like right now if I could just go back and change/mend a few things.

23. I'm such a procrastinator. I put off things to do, like even paying my bills, till the last minute. I need to manage my time wisely. Geez, I wish time wasn't an issue.

24. I absolutely lovvee fantasy/romance books. A fan of the Twilight Saga... I actually got my friends addicted to them and then my sister. Chain reaction! I love the Harry Potter series and I'm still reading the 7th book and excited for the 6th movie to come out. I'm such a dork. I watch the trailer for that movie every day. I secretly wish there was really a Hogwarts in this world from time to time. How different this world would be!

25. Finally, the only cartoon show that I'm watching as an adult, is Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. I love Bloo.

6th Love Letter to Stephen

Stephen,

I love you because you bring the best out of me. I love whom, I have become since I have known you. I love your terrific sense of humor. Every time I look in your eyes, my heart misses a beat. I enjoy doing things with you and spending time with you. You are simply irresistible.

Sometimes I feel lost and out of touch, but when your there, I feel safe. Your voice soothes me. I could sit here and try to tell you just how I feel, only I can't find the words other than I am happy we met and have gotten together after all we've gone through.

You make me feel loved, you make me feel needed, but more importantly, you make me feel wanted. That is something that I hadn't felt in a very long time. We have slowly grown into a beautiful relationship that only you and I can understand.

You are becoming my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. You are a blessing that my entire being is very thankful for. I feel that we were made to love, listen, understand, and work through all times in our lives together, a truly rare gift.

We have both gone through so much in our lives; we've both been hurt and have lost trust in others, but I ask you to give me a chance as I give you one. I don't ask for much, only for you to love me as I am and not to hurt me as I would not hurt you. I only wish to be by your side and with no one else.

From this moment on, we have each other and all the time to be in each other's arms. When I say I love you, it is truly meant.


I love you,
Amy

P.S. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to send you my cheesy love letters lately :P

I Just Wish...

My grandpa got diagnosed with liver cancer last year. We went and visited him this past weekend to learn that he probably won't get to see this coming summer. I'm just sad. I just wish he could be here when Razz and us get married or have grandchildren. It's just heartbreaking. He's still young for his age to go. My gramps is just in his late 60's. I'm going to miss my crazy Grandpa when he goes. We're spending as much time with him as we can, while he's still here.

Ohhh mah Goodness Gracious!

Things have changed considerably in the past month. I've been working like crazy and I have started another job watching a little boy with problems, I think it's Autism. That has been hurting my classes a little bit, but now I'm catching up and hoping to do well on my test today.

I called in sick today at the Rehab center because the antibiotics that I'm taking for my cervical infection is making me feel weird. I get really bad stomach aches and gas, and it makes it difficult to poop, ew.

I'm still working on my 101 things to do in 1001 days. It's just been hard a little bit.

Stephen and I are doing wonderfully. We love each other so much. He came over Sunday night and surprised me with roses! They're really pretty and gorgeous... I smile every time I think about him. :) "Absence makes the heart grow fonder..." I like to say that a lot. Because he lives and hour away and because of his work schedule, we only see each other like once or twice a week.

I'm going back to church again on Sundays that I don't work. We'll see how it goes.

Update

Due to school and work, I haven't been able to update my blog. It's been really stressing me out. Life has been crazy.

5th Love Letter to Stephen

Stephen,

Hey, Honey, I just wanted you to know that I am the luckiest woman in the world to be with you. I have never been so happy in my life than I am when I'm with you. You mean the whole world to me and I can't wait for the day when the world knows the love I have for you. I want nothing more than to be a wonderful girlfriend and to cherish every moment I have with you.

Baby, you are the love of my life. My only love. Every time we kiss, I always feel that chemistry or that connection we have together. It makes me want you even more. Every time I see you, my heart feels heavy, filled with love, and it just makes me happy.

I love you.

Love always,

Amy

Amazing Night

Last night was amazing!!! I love spending time with Stephen. He just held me close and kissed my shoulders and didn't let me go all night long. I guess after that dream, it made us love each other even more. Those love letters that I send him twice a week... It sure makes a difference. :D

I can't wait to start school tomorrow! I work day shift 6am-2pm, then I have class from 4-5:15pm.

I'm soo happy right now!

4th Love Letter to Stephen

Stephen Naaman Begay,

I love you. I love every little thing about you. I love your cute smile, your magical eyes, and the sound of your voice. I love your gentle touch, and I love the warmth I feel when I’m by your side. I can't stop thinking about you when we are apart. I need you by my side. You complete me. You mean the world to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one I've always wished for. I never thought that I would ever meet someone as special as you. I love each and every moment I share with you.

Love always,

Amy

Dreams...

What does it mean when you and your boyfriend have similar dreams? The same night you're in bed together?

It makes me scared. He's scared too.

But what do they mean?

I really hate people sometimes...

Lamar: "wtf is your proble you know what there was reason we stop talking to you. and now you keep making shit worst. first your not jade god ma. nikki is so stop saying she is. stop callen leah at work."

"you aint nobody fuck you. you need to worrie about your damn self its not my fault you dropped out of school and is dum as fuck go catch an std bitch."

"go be happy with stds and being know as the hoe of csu. how would sleep with you now and for your fyi you didn't ruin shit lololololol dont you feel stupid call leah hoe. lolololol"

"well i'm not dum considering i knew you would say something so i told her before you slut. bahahahahahahahaha go choke on some nuts. im glad your out of my life stank. go fuck yourself call her if you think i'm playing cant catch a pimp i thought you knew biotch."

"lose the number while you at it bye bye. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha."

Whatever... Leah can call me if she wants because she knows I'm here for her. I think she deserves so much better. Yes, Lamar said hurtful things to me, but who he's hurting right now is Leah. I'm sorry I got into their business, I was just worried about a friend. She didn't even have a clue on what's going on. Well, I wish them all the best. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better for both of them. I'm sorry I couldn't be a Godmother to Jade. This breaks my heart, it really does.

Love Letter to Stephen #3

Dear My Only Love,

Hey, Honey ... I miss you. I'm just here thinking about you, like I always do. The thought of you in my arms right now sounds so good to me. I just want you to know how much I love you.

Ever since the first time I heard you on the phone and heard your cute voice, I miss you every second of my life. I knew I found someone special. I will always remember how sweet you are and how every time my phone rang and I heard your sweet voice I would smile and I was happy from that point on...

I know you’re birthday is coming up. I want to make it special for you. So if you have ANY requests at all, I’ll try and make them happen.

Attached is a recent picture that Molly and I took. I think she did a pretty good job.

Love always,

Amy

Things I'm working on right now from 101 list...

10. Cook at home 4x/week, lunch/dinner, for 3 months.

• I haven't gone out to eat in awhile, so this is a good thing.

11. Only eat poultry and seafood (no pork or beef)

• Haven't ate beef or pork at all. So far just chicken, turkey, and fish filets.

17. Organize clothes to half of what I have now, and donate the rest to Goodwill.

• I'm so glad I did this! My closet was a disaster!

20. Drink 4 Nalgene bottles filled with water every day.

• I've been bringing my Nalgene bottle with me everywhere, so it's been working out really good. I have to go pee a lot though.

29. Eliminate the habit of getting my nails done for 6 months.

• I need to stop getting my nails done... It's $45 dollars down the drain every month, and that money could go towards bills.

51. Identify 101 things that make me happy (5/101)

• So far I've identified 5, and still working on the list.

52. Read the last 2 Harry Potter Books

• Working on the 6th book, I need to read these two before the movie comes out!

64. Write a love letter to Stephen twice a week for 6 weeks. (2/12)

• I love my boyfriend :D

76. Write a poem 1x/week for 6 weeks. (1/6)

• Writing poems are kind of therapeutic for me.

90. Watch 5 movies a week for 6 weeks.

• 1st week - Jerry Mcguire, The Other Boleyn Girl, Dances With Wolves, Nancy Drew, The Pursuit of Happiness

91. Not go to the hookah bar for 3 months.

• This I really need to do... It's kind of money down the drain every time I go. But it doesn't mean I can't smoke at home, but then again I can't go to the hookah bar to buy stuff to smoke at home... so if I run out of stuff at home... then tough.

Yes, so these are the things I'm working on... I might even keep doing them after the 6 weeks or 3 months they've been accomplished.

Another Sad Day at Work...

One of my residents down my hall passed today. I will miss playing Bingo with him, and putting him to bed. He was another one of my favorites. May he rest in peace. I hate it when these things happen while I'm at work. It gets me so emotional. I haven't ate all day; just had one Mountain Dew and water. I'm just in a icky mood right now.

Love Letter #2 to Stephen

Hey Babe,

Thank you for the flowers last night. It means so much to me. It was a surprise, it really was. They’re beautiful. J

I love so much about you that it is hard to pick just a couple of things out. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you smile. I even love it when you make me mad and don't know why. I love how when you upset me, you try so hard to make it better. I am so in love with you that I don't go one minute without thinking of you and wishing that I was with you! I can't stand to be without you for one second. You have truly turned me into myself. Before you, nobody allowed me to be me. You have allowed me to open up my heart and trust again. You have allowed me to smile and be happy again. And for that I love you. I thank you and I will forever cherish our memories and I know there are many more to come.

I love you very much!

Amy

Poem #1

Wisps of hair flowing freely across her olive skin,
Her chocolate eyes pierce her suitor's grin.
Gently, just gently, she turns her head,
Revealing the marks of a greater dead.
His eyes wander to the two holes down her elongated flawless neck,
Oh,what a wild one he thinks, she must be from Quebec.
He starts to walk the other way, the wind shifting in his direction,
Ruining the girl's perfect complexion.

Things that make me happy...

1) Nature - Reminiscing in fresh air, hearing the trickling of the river or lake nearby... You just never want to close your eyes because of its beauty.

2) Stephen - My only love, who has my heart. He brought me flowers today - pretty red roses; my favorite.

3) Doing things from my heart that benefit others. It gets me very emotional that I can make a difference in someone's life.

4) My friends - You know who you are. Without you I would be lost somewhere...

5) Music... I don't know what I would do without it. I love to sing, and I still wish I could play violin and the piano.

My First Love Letter to Stephen

Hey Love,

I wish I didn't have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I hope that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping!

I know I’ve been impatient, sometimes I just need some attention. But I understand your job and your career and I support you all the way. Just know that I’ll always be here for you, no matter the situation. Remember, you’re always first on my list. I’ve even cancelled on my friends, a few times just to be with you.

I love you, babe. You are my only love, and I thank you for be so kind with my heart. Hopefully, soon I won't have to hate missing you.

Love Always,

Amy

Possibly a new beginning.

I am excited to have start 101 Things in 1001 days. These are realistic goals for me and I feel I can do them all in that period of time. I want to thank my bestfriend Mikah for introducing me to this, it's going to really help me get things done.

Well, Stephen and I have been together for 8 months. It's really good sometimes, and at other times, I just feel disappointment. He says he loves me, and he does, but I feel it's hard for him to show it then say it out loud. For our 6 month, I got him a very nice flask with his name engraved on it. He didn't get me anything, so I was like you know what, it's ok. My birthday rolled by and I didn't get a gift from him for my birthday. Then Christmas... I didn't get anything. And throughout our relationship, he's never given me flowers or anything... He's taken me out to dinner, and movies, but that's about it. Maybe I'm just being impatient. I don't know what to do. He hasn't texted me for a couple of days now. I mean, I'm going to lay low until he comes to me. I told him we needed to talk about us, but all he said was, "Ok." I don't know if he thinks the ring is a substitute for all my gifts this year, haha.

Oh well, we'll see what happens.

101 in 1001 Days

The Mission:

Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:

Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?

Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Start Date: January 1, 2009. End Date: September 29, 2011.

The Key:

Not Started
In Progress
Accomplished (with the date)

101 Things to Accomplish in 1001 Days

Education

1. Receive a B or better in all my classes Spring Semester.

2. Receive an Associate Degree in Early Childhood Education.

3. Continue my education to CSU for a Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood Education.

4. Read/highlight and take notes on ALL TEXTBOOKS this Spring Semester.

5. Try not to procrastinate, this Spring Semester.

Health, Mind, Body

6. Lose 90 pounds (0lbs/90lbs)

7. Exercise at the gym every day of the 1001 days (0/1001)

8. Do 50 push-ups and 50 sit-ups every other day for all of 1001 days.

9. Give up Fast Food (Chinese, McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, etc.)

10. Cook at home 4x/week, lunch/dinner, for 3 months.

11. Only eat poultry and seafood (no pork or beef)

12. One month without sweets/desserts.

13. Eat more vegetables.

14. Become a vegetarian for 1 week.

15. Measure the portions of food that I eat.

16. Go walking every morning with Riley (0/1001)

17. Organize clothes to half of what I have now, and donate the rest to Goodwill.

18. Take a nice long bubble bath twice a week.

19. De-stress myself by taking 30 min a day to meditate/relax.

20. Drink 4 Nalgene bottles filled with water every day.

21. Clear diet sodas only (no caramel color diet sodas)

22. Keep bedroom clean and organized for 3 months. (0/3)

23. Clean bedroom 1x/week for 3 months.

24. Keep desk in room clean for 3 months.

25. Clean desk in room 1/week for 3 months.

26. Knit a complete scarf.

27. Learn how to cross-stitch.

28. Give myself a pedicure twice a month for 6 months.

29. Eliminate the habit of getting my nails done for 6 months.

30. Get a massage 1x for every 2 months for a year.

31. Identify 5 bad habits and work on getting rid of them.

32. Identify 5 good habits and build from them.

33. Give Riley a bath 2x/month for a year.

34. Learn how to play Sodoku.

35. Go to therapy sessions.

Finances

36. Open up a Savings Account.

37. Save $10/week and put that into the Saving’s Account.

38. Fix my credit score.

39. Eliminate/Reduce credit card debt.

40. Make a budget plan for every month.

41. Don’t have a negative number in my account for 1001 days.

42. Begin Slumber Parties by Amy Vue again.

43. Sell all Slumber Parties Inventory – Have a HUGE SALE!

Purchases

44. Save up for a NIKON D3X

45. Save up for a new cell phone

46. Save up for a KINDLE

47. Save up for a KitchenAid

48. Save $ for a new windshield for my car.

49. Buy Front /Passenger Seat covers for my car.

50. When going to the mall, ONLY purchase necessary items for all of 1001 days.

Fun/Me

51. Identify 101 things that make me happy (5/101)

52. Read the last 2 Harry Potter Books

53. Go to a music concert.

54. Read 101 books (0/101)

55. Write in my journal for 1001 days (0/1001)

56. Keep my blog updated.

57. Subscribe to one of my favorite magazines.

58. Go try out as a band lead singer.

59. Join a band.

60. Go to Vegas.

61. Travel to NYC.

62. Have 1 dinner party once a month for 6 months with all my close friends.

63. Travel to Mexico.

64. Write a love letter to Stephen twice a week for 6 weeks. (2/12)

65. Go to Barnes and Noble and buy $100 worth of books.

66. Read all those books from Barnes and Noble.

67. Play tennis during the summer 3x/week for 3 weeks.

68. Write lyrics for 12 songs. (0/12)

69. Write and publish a love story.

70. Gather up the family and take Family Pictures.

71. Finish my HIGH SCHOOL scrapbook.

72. Start a new scrapbook.

73. Go visit a brewery with friends.

74. Buy myself flowers 1x/month for a year.

75. Learn how to line dance and go dancing.

76. Write a poem 1x/week for 6 weeks. (1/6)

77. Learn how to play the guitar.

78. Go camping during the summer with close friends.

79. Take another road trip to an unknown destination with friends.

80. Learn to be happy, and not assume/jump to conclusions.

81. Make an appt. with eye doctor.

82. Make an appt. with a Dentist.

83. Get wisdom teeth pulled out.

84. Go see the Doctor about my blood pressure and test for Diabetes and Cholesterol.

85. Go to a Gay Bar – hehe!

86. Learn how to cook 10 different meals from scratch! And they have to be meals I’ve never cooked before. (0/10)

87. Bake something from scratch every month.

88. Write down every dream that I had into my journal.

89. Bake a turkey by myself.

90. Watch 5 movies a week for 6 weeks.

91. Not go to the hookah bar for 3 months.

92. Go out to eat 1x/week for 6 weeks.

93. Try and go snowboarding.

94. Read “The Art of Happiness”

95. Record/Blog all the books that I’ve read.

Volunteer/Giving to Others

96. Donate blood.

97. Donate plasma.

98. Give everyone a handmade present for 1 Christmas.

99. Donate $1 dollar every time I make a purchase at Petsmart/Petco.

100. Fish out change for every homeless person I see.

Other

101. Make another 101 list for 1001 days after I’ve completed this list.