Haven't posted in awhile...

A lot has happened since my last post. I just moved into a new place off of W. Stuart St., in Fort Collins. It's a cute little townhouse; nice sized rooms. The only problem is my sister and I have so much shit! I threw out my Lazyboy recliner that I got from a garage sale awhile back. My sister threw out her double bookcase that was coming apart. We should've cleaned out what we didn't need at the old place. I gave Mikah and Kim our black leather couches from the old house. This move was a little crazy. We had my Uncle's truck and my parents van, that's about it. Our new place was just about a two minute drive from our old one, so it wasn't at all that bad. Razz and are still settling in; unpacking boxes, and sorting through our stuff. Alyssa hasn't moved in yet. Still waiting for her too. Lets see... what else... The cable guys came over today and installed everything for us. Yay... T.V. and internet!

Before the move happened, I got into a huge argument with Stephen. We almost broke up. I just told him how I was feeling and how I wish I could meet his friends and family because I feel a little left out. He turned it around and said that because of me, he hasn't seen his family for a month and his best friends in like five weeks. It was because of me. I thought it wasn't fair at all. I told him that he needs to manage his time better. I also told him that I always ask to see if I can go down to Brighton to see him, or ask him to come up. I always ask. It wasn't like I told him, "No, you can't go see your friends or family, Stephen. I won't let you." I ask to go see him and he knows it. I told him it was all about him. And it still is, I think. Oh well, he does what he wants, right? He always does. One problem with me is I think I'm too needy... I think it's because I wish he would include me in some of the things that he does. For example, go out with his friends, go with him as a date to weddings,just simple things like that. I told him that if it was my appearance, I'm able to change. He just told me to stop worrying. That was it. But I love this man, I'm fighting to make this relationship work. I really am... And it's hurting me a lot.

I switched to Night Shift at work from Day Shift. I definitely like it a lot better. I had to adjust my sleeping schedule, but I think it's working out good. :)

I can't go to school for awhile, so I'm saving up to go later. My mom can't cosign for us anymore because we apparently maxed out her credit, haha. It sucks for all of us. My brother wants to join the Navy now so they can help pay for his education, but my dad is hesitant about it because he's the only boy in the family. We'll see what happens when he graduates. I thought about the National Guard too. But I need to lose all my belly fat before I join, which is going to take me about a year to do that. Geez, I wish I had Jillian from the Biggest Loser to yell at me and make me work out. But my plan starting sometime soon, I don't know when is going to be: After my Night Shift, I go work out at the gym, come home, shower and then go to bed. My gym opens at 6am and I get off work at 6:30 anyway, so I think it'll work out perfectly. Another obstacle is to change my eating habits... more salads/greens, lean meats; just eat more healthy. No more fast food. It's going to be a challenge, but I want to achieve it. Need motivation! Need motivation!

I'm writing this blog from work during my break. I'm trying to stay awake, haha. Just almost 2.5 more hours to work... I can do this... I can do this...

Over $400!

I just got an invoice in the mail for all the lab work that they had done on my body. It's over $400 worth of lab fees/work. They're going to have to wait because I dont have that kind of money to pay them back all at once... That's like my whole paycheck! I have other bills to take care of too.

Damn... I need to go get my text books, lol. Or maybe I could just go to the library.

Vacation needed?

I just want to go lay on the sandy beaches in the nice warm sun! That's all I want right now.

::Sniff sniff::

Our anniversary wasn't what I hoped it to be. There was no dinner. :( I bawled my eyes out for a good half hour, forty-five minutes. Stephen had to pay his dad for a payment for his car and the vet bill to put down his cat. So, I was just upset that it wasn't that romantic dinner, getting dressed up, roses, candle light, etc. I had that feeling, I really did that it's not going to happen, while I was getting ready earlier yesterday. So what happened yesterday was I went down there, cried my eyes out, then we went to Chick-fil-A for dinner and I paid for it. Yep. Chick-fil-A for our anniversary dinner. Not what I hoped it to be or visioned. I'm just sad, I still am. But shit happens and things just don't turn out the way you want it to be. I love the man with all of my heart, I just wish things could be more romantic. Yeah, the sex is great but I feel like everything else is falling apart.

I'm Excited!

Stephen and I are going to The Old Spaghetti Factory down in Denver, for our anniversary dinner. I am excited. It seems like a really nice old fashioned place. I still don't know what to get him. Maybe a book?

Again, had to call into work because that stupid Metformin medicine was making me feel nauseous and dizzy. I try to get up to go the bathroom and my head was spinning. It felt like the whole room was spinning and I could feel it.

Stephen came up from Brighton last night. Every minute I spend with him I have to cherish. Because his schedule and mine are so hectic, it's hard to find time with him. But every time he's here, I feel safe and I sleep better. Everything's just so much better with him by my side.

Wow... Kinda Crazy Lemme Tell Ya...

I was an emotional roller coaster yesterday... I was really close to breaking up with Stephen. I guess he was afraid and scared because he told me he didn't want to lose me. Last night he came to the house around 2:30am... I had spoken with him about what needs to happen and what I want because I was so sick and tired of these stupid arguments that we have. I despise them; I hate crying. I seriously was just trying to find time to spend with him because our schedules were so busy and hectic. Whenever I'm having a discussion with him about something, if he didn't want to talk about it, he would cut me off. It would make me angry. He would use the excuse of, "Ok, I'm going to bed. Love you, bye." It was short and after we get off the phone, I feel like I'm left in the gutter thinking to myself, "Ok, what just happened?" I told him I don't know what else to do anymore. I told him I wanted trust, honesty, and most importantly, I want our communication to be better. Text messaging is so impersonal and that's what we do most of the time. I don't see/hear how he's feeling and he doesn't see/hear how I'm feeling. Sometimes I hate text messaging and a person can't just assume someone's feelings when they text message. There was one day where Stephen told me I was having an attitude about something through text, and I was like, "Um, heck no! I was being rational." Hopefully now, everything gets through this time... I don't know if I can deal with another episode like this one.

I Don't Know About This...

I had an argument with Stephen last night about how he seems to push me away and ignore what I need to talk to him about. I told him I think I'm done with everything right now because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always trying to find time to spend with him because both our schedules are pretty hectic... well mostly his. One of his past responses was, "How much time do you need?" His response last night was, "Amy, you know I can't be there for you 24/7."

I'm going down to talk to him tomorrow night. Just re-reading his responses back to me, I really feel like I should move on. However, I love this man. I care about him so much. Yes, I feel at times I do have to question his love for me and his trust. He has girls giving him their numbers? Heck yes, I'm always worried when that happens, but he always tell me not to think or worry about it.

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow night... he wants to take me out to dinner, which is weird, so I don't know.