Vacation needed?

I just want to go lay on the sandy beaches in the nice warm sun! That's all I want right now.

::Sniff sniff::

Our anniversary wasn't what I hoped it to be. There was no dinner. :( I bawled my eyes out for a good half hour, forty-five minutes. Stephen had to pay his dad for a payment for his car and the vet bill to put down his cat. So, I was just upset that it wasn't that romantic dinner, getting dressed up, roses, candle light, etc. I had that feeling, I really did that it's not going to happen, while I was getting ready earlier yesterday. So what happened yesterday was I went down there, cried my eyes out, then we went to Chick-fil-A for dinner and I paid for it. Yep. Chick-fil-A for our anniversary dinner. Not what I hoped it to be or visioned. I'm just sad, I still am. But shit happens and things just don't turn out the way you want it to be. I love the man with all of my heart, I just wish things could be more romantic. Yeah, the sex is great but I feel like everything else is falling apart.

I'm Excited!

Stephen and I are going to The Old Spaghetti Factory down in Denver, for our anniversary dinner. I am excited. It seems like a really nice old fashioned place. I still don't know what to get him. Maybe a book?

Again, had to call into work because that stupid Metformin medicine was making me feel nauseous and dizzy. I try to get up to go the bathroom and my head was spinning. It felt like the whole room was spinning and I could feel it.

Stephen came up from Brighton last night. Every minute I spend with him I have to cherish. Because his schedule and mine are so hectic, it's hard to find time with him. But every time he's here, I feel safe and I sleep better. Everything's just so much better with him by my side.

Wow... Kinda Crazy Lemme Tell Ya...

I was an emotional roller coaster yesterday... I was really close to breaking up with Stephen. I guess he was afraid and scared because he told me he didn't want to lose me. Last night he came to the house around 2:30am... I had spoken with him about what needs to happen and what I want because I was so sick and tired of these stupid arguments that we have. I despise them; I hate crying. I seriously was just trying to find time to spend with him because our schedules were so busy and hectic. Whenever I'm having a discussion with him about something, if he didn't want to talk about it, he would cut me off. It would make me angry. He would use the excuse of, "Ok, I'm going to bed. Love you, bye." It was short and after we get off the phone, I feel like I'm left in the gutter thinking to myself, "Ok, what just happened?" I told him I don't know what else to do anymore. I told him I wanted trust, honesty, and most importantly, I want our communication to be better. Text messaging is so impersonal and that's what we do most of the time. I don't see/hear how he's feeling and he doesn't see/hear how I'm feeling. Sometimes I hate text messaging and a person can't just assume someone's feelings when they text message. There was one day where Stephen told me I was having an attitude about something through text, and I was like, "Um, heck no! I was being rational." Hopefully now, everything gets through this time... I don't know if I can deal with another episode like this one.

I Don't Know About This...

I had an argument with Stephen last night about how he seems to push me away and ignore what I need to talk to him about. I told him I think I'm done with everything right now because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always trying to find time to spend with him because both our schedules are pretty hectic... well mostly his. One of his past responses was, "How much time do you need?" His response last night was, "Amy, you know I can't be there for you 24/7."

I'm going down to talk to him tomorrow night. Just re-reading his responses back to me, I really feel like I should move on. However, I love this man. I care about him so much. Yes, I feel at times I do have to question his love for me and his trust. He has girls giving him their numbers? Heck yes, I'm always worried when that happens, but he always tell me not to think or worry about it.

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow night... he wants to take me out to dinner, which is weird, so I don't know.

I Am So Mad!

I don't know what else to do anymore. I've been trying to keep in touch with Jenny to get my stuff back at her house. She's not cooperating at all! So, I got the police involved because it's a civil matter and I just want my effin stuff back. I want my blow-up mattress, my blankets and memory foam pillow, and my SLUMBER PARTY STUFF back!!! The Slumber Party stuff is what I spent the most of my money on... I want that stuff back for sure! I just want my stuff back... I know I've said it like ten million times. She claims that my Slumber Party stuff is at the Den and that I arranged for Peggy to get them from me, but Peggy said she hasn't seen anything at all. I don't know what else to do anymore... I mean I can live without that stuff but I paid so much money for it!

We'll see what happens tomorrow after I get off work.

So much drama on top of my health issues right now too. I just got diagnosed with pre-diabetes and it's a complete turn around life change for me now. I'm eating differently now, I'm exercising even more... Dr. Orzoco-Peterson put me on Glucophage (Metformin), a diabetes medicine. It's been crazy.

I just want school to be over... just to relax my brain a bit. Work is always killing me. My knees are starting to hurt again. EVERYTHING'S ALL WRONG RIGHT NOW.

And a few more things... I have little issues with Stephen that I wish I could just get resolved.

I'm just so sick of everything... I wish I can shut everybody out and just be alone for like 5 minutes and get myself together or something.

Maybe I need to go see a shrink, SOMEBODY???

I'm just going insane.